Sattires ( Page 2 of 3 )

Don't Remember Anniversaries March 01, 2011 16:15

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee."What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, andyou were only 17?" he asks solemnly.The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember whenyou father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years"."I remember that too", she replies softly.He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

What is Tension? May 03, 2011 13:00

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you take her to hospital.Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father?EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?”THIS IS REAL TENSION.

Balayya and bus conductor March 22, 2011 18:44

(1)The BUS conductor says:"Half pant Half ticket", "Full pant Full ticket".Suddenly "BALAYYA"removed his pant and says"No pant No ticket" (2)Teacher : which is ur favourite dish......?AFTER MUCH THINKINGBalayya : TATA SKY.....

Y.S rajasekhar reddy aarogya sri February 06, 2011 17:25

vilan:rai i will kill ubalayya dialogue :"kodithe hospital karchulaki mee aasthuluammukunna saripov.vilan:sorry balayya naaku a bayam ledu"naa dhaggara Y.S rajasekhar reddy aarogya sri pathakam card undhi"

Mayawati goes to Lallu's house January 29, 2011 17:09

Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

TollyWoodVSBollyWoodCricketMatch January 22, 2011 12:05

The Celebrity Cricket league, which will comprise a series of cricket matches between Bollywood, Kollywood, Tollywood and Sandalwood stars was announced recently. The teams are named Mumbai Heroes (Bollywood), Telugu Tigers (Tollywood), Bangalore Stars (Sandalwood) and Tamil Superstars (Kollywood). While Bollywood, Kollywood and Sandalwood have finalized their teams, Tollywood is still finalizing its team. It is reported that Ram Charan Teja, Nagarjuna and Junior NTR are busy putting a team together. The Bollywood and Kollywood teams will be spearheaded by Salman Khan and Suriya respectively.

Indian politician punch January 21, 2011 12:32

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window. "Can you see the river?" "Yes""Can you see the bridge over it?""Of course", said the minister."10 percent", said the senator smugly.Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indianminister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to hishouse, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister hadbuilt, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc. "How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked. The minister called him to the window. "See the river over there?" "Sure", cried the senator. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said - "No, I don't see any bridge." "100 percent", said the minister !!

New Bowling Rules March 20, 2011 12:53

Supplemental Rules for Bowling If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs". When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance. After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames. When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule. After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair". If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized. A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.

Santa & Banta were travelling February 15, 2011 19:29

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.(1)Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.(2)Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.(3)Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.(4)The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"Comments

Politician and Promises January 24, 2011 12:14

It was election time, again. So, a politician decided to go out to the local reservation to gather support from the Native Americans. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!""Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet."I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"After the speech, the politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle."Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

The Success Of Marriage April 20, 2011 11:52

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriageanniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict intheir period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secretof their well known "happy going marriage". Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride ondifferent horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wifewas riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumpedsuddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back andsaid "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continuedwith the ride. After a while, it happened again.. This time she again keptcalm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolverfrom the purse and shot the horse dead!! I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the pooranimal. Are you crazy?". She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"." Husband:"That' s it. We are happy ever after "

Beer is better than women February 13, 2011 16:31

A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.it never ask you to recharge the mobile.You can share a beer with your friends.beer wont hate u if u r looking for another beer.You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.When your beer is gone, you just pop another.Beer looks the same in the morning.Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.Beer labels don't go out of style every year.Beer doesn't demand equality.Big, fat beers are nice to have.(but fat w omen's????)no one will question u if u r looking for a good beer.it doesn't live with its mother.Beer is good for u r health.

Generous lawyer March 11, 2011 15:36

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Your Daughter is Pregnant March 21, 2011 13:02

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!" The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"