It is a very delicate subject Have you liked every single one of your best friends' or family members’ significant others? The answer is presumably “No”. Have you always kept it to yourself or have you been vocal about it? Possibly not so quick of an answer.and a difficult situation when dealing with someone who you love.
How is one supposed to handle a friend or family member who is dating someone that no one really likes? Is honesty really the best policy?
To preface this discussion, we want to state that if a loved one or family member is being abused emotionally or physically, this warrants immediate attention and assistance towards that individual to leave this unhealthy relationship.
But what if you just don’t like the person? Or if they just aren’t “worthy” or good enough for your friend or family member? That’s when it gets a bit tricky. If you find yourself in this fragile situation, there are three roads you can choose to take - but beware of the potential risks and consequences:
Option 1: Vocalize It
Tell your loved one that you don’t like the individual they are dating, tell them why immediately, and don’t give the “dater” any positive attention at all. This will send a clear message to your friend/family member but may not warrant the results expected. Most likely your loved one is going to feel bad and uncomfortable that you don’t like their significant other and will in return keep you in the dark about their relationship. Not to mention, if your friend breaks up with the individual, they should do it on their own terms, not yours. This may cause regret and resentment in the long run.
Option 2: Act Like Everything Is Okay
Try to build a positive relationship with your loved one's significant other. Be open and listen about the relationship without giving negative or personal feedback and let the relationship unfold without your assistance or opinion. This can be positive in the sense that it gives you time to assess the significant other and possibly form a new opinion about them. It also leaves your loved one to make his or her own decisions about the person. The downfall to not saying anything could be that your friend or family member is so deep into the relationship that they cannot see the negatives about who they're dating and stay in an unhealthy relationship. This may also lead you to have pent-up feelings that are unhealthy to keep bottled up. And most likely, if you were correct in your assessment, if your friend of family member breaks up with the guy or girl, you’ll get the inevitable, “Why didn’t you tell me that about him?!” or “Why didn’t you tell me you felt that way about her?!”
Option 3: Give It Time, Make An Effort
This third scenario is quite possibly the middle road that is the safest. First off, give the person time. In many cases, significant others are shy or nervous around close friends and family members (at least initially) and don’t act the same around them as they do with their partners. Give someone a lengthy amount of time before you form a solid opinion about them. If you still don’t like the person, reach out to them in a positive way. Try to make a relationship work on your end, for the simple reason that they are dating someone who is extremely important in your life. You don’t have to be best friends with this individual, but remain friendly. Remember, this is not your love life, it’s your loved one's.
If you try any or all of the above options, and you still aren’t feeling good about this relationship, have a non-confrontational talk with your friend or family member. Let them know it's because you care about them. Give specific reasons why you feel the way you do while still respecting that this is your close friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend - in the long run it could save your friendship. It also gives them the right to make the decision on how they would like to move forward with their relationship knowing how you feel but not feeling pressured.
In this case, honesty may in fact be the best policy. But only in small, well-thought out doses, don’t you agree??